Warning: This post will not be well written. It will not be funny. It will be angry and might have naughty words (haven’t decided yet). It will be one big long vent. Move on if you don’t like the sound of any of that.
So, here’s what 2020 has given us so far (without even including my tonsillar abscess in January):
- Worldwide pandemic with over 100,000 deaths in the U.S. alone (that’s 1/4 of deaths worldwide)
- Useless president (well, that was 4 years ago, but it still hurts desperately)
- Congress that can’t come together for the people they represent
- Both of those entities putting money and politics and power ahead of human lives
- Citizens who only consider what they want, and not the greater good
- Say Their Names
- Peaceful protests about systemic racism and unjust murder (against people who are not white) that turn into riots because of military and police violence and so, so, so much prejudice
- People being shot and killed with horrifying regularity
- An election that is in the process of being rigged (there is nothing wrong with mail-in ballots, people, what are you afraid of?)
- My beloved Post Office is dying
- My daughter’s serious behavior issues that are now resulting in neighbors being really pissed off
- The huge chunks coming out of my billable hours due to most of the above, especially the last one.
And of course, I’d do anything for my daughter, but as of last night I swore I couldn’t take anymore. That I was beyond done. That I was exhausted and sad and disgusted and hopeless.
But today. TODAY.
For a while now, Mae’s head has been itchy. We thought it was a stress reaction. Then I thought it was dandruff. Then I bought a nice oil-free natural remedy for seborrheic dermatitis, based on a recommendation from my BFF. Since we were seeing her primary care person* today anyway for something else, I had her noggin examined.
I kid you not. Head lice. I’ve never seen lice before. I’ve never had lice before (I was going to put a photo of a louse here, but all of the ones I found made me gag). I honestly thought they were dandruff flakes. Today, I feel like such a failure as a mother. So I canceled my meetings and resigned myself to getting absolutely no billable work done. Picked up the RX at the CVS in Target, which doesn’t carry the stupid little combs. Went to Walgreens. In between, bought Mae yet another Happy Meal just so I didn’t have to listen to the whining anymore.
I had called Tim earlier to have him start rounding up all of the linens and stuffies and clothes and stripped the beds. He bagged everything that can’t be washed and set them out in the back yard. I got home and started barking orders. Then I went around the house and found all of the stuff he had missed.
Then we began The Whole Medicine and Combing Ordeal. Thank God for my amazing BFF who is beyond supportive and had tips to share. Mae whined, screamed, and complained through the entire thing. But she wanted to see all of the crawlies and their eggs anyway. Tim did my hair and I wept the whole time because this was not what I needed right at this point in my life.
Then I went around the house and found the rest of the stuff Tim had missed and started All Of The Laundry.
I didn’t even bother to make dinner for my family tonight. I am going to have popcorn for dinner. I need my therapist.
Excuse me now. After we rushed Mae inside because her screaming was bringing people out of their houses to see what was wrong, my beautiful sweet daughter flailed around so much that she slammed her hand into something. I’m starting to worry she broke a finger. As she keeps saying, “I hate this day!”
*This was after Tim had to bodily lift her into the car because she wouldn’t get in and then I had to call into the doctor’s office to ask for help getting her out of the car.